Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
