can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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