Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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