I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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