Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
