His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
