Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
