Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
