did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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