He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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