My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
