you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
