that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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