Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
