Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
