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Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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