we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.