You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.