I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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