Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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