Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
