I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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