don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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