Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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