there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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