after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The air was thick with penises
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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