Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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