What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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