She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Are we still banned from the library?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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