There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
