I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
