whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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