Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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