Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
