i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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