fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
