i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
