i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
