Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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