so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
