can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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