i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
