TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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