youre lurking in front of me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
