I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
