your parents love me but you hate me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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