i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
