i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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