I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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