I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
