we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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