i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
