imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We are two peas in an std pod
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
