Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
