So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
