Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
