they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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