i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
