I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize