Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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