It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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