her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
